Relationships & Drama: Strung Along?

Dear Ms. Cece,

I have been dating the same man for a year now, with no commitment. I enjoy our time together, but I want more out of the relationship. When we are together, things seem perfect. But when we aren't, its like I don't exist. I don't hear from him or see him. The obvious conclusion is he only wants one thing but he tells me that he is "close" to telling me that "he loves me" but that he likes me alot which means something because he never lets anyone past his "walls" whatever that means. Is it possible to get what I want out of this relationship or am I being strung along?

~Damn Fool

Dear Damn Fool,

As I sit her I literally shook my head reading your email. As women, there are times that even when we are seeing what we know to be the truth of the matter, in our minds we figure things/he/she will change. And they almost never will.

I believe it was Einstein who reasoned that "The person with the unsatisfactory behavior itself isn't crazy. The person who does the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome, is indeed crazy." Or something to that effect.

My point is when a person shows you, not tells you, how and what they are, believe them! Or cause yourself a ton of head and heart ache. After a full year of the same behavior from him, you are now looking for more, and he is showing you the same thing he has been, that he isn't interested.

The convienent "almost love" line is very telling. Love is natural, anybody should know that matters of the heart can't be controlled. So how does one guage how "close" they are to falling in love with someone? What has made him "fortify" his heart in such a way that you can't seem to penetrate after a year of dating? To be honest, this friend seems a bit selfish and you're love is good enough to take but his isn't available to you, then let his damn walls fall in on his arse!

If he was vaguely interested in more, your communications wouldn't be limited to when you're together. Just looking at the situation I would say, yes, you're being strung along. But the bigger issue is what is allowing you to feel like that is what you deserve? If any time you choose to settle in life, don't let it be on your partner. Take some time to get to know yourself and what you want in a relationship. Knowing that from the onset can help when pursuing relationship because you can eliminate those not within your standards.

Love yourself suga. That's the best starting point. Then you'll be suprised how others follow suit!